Six Easy Ways to Find Wounds:
the Six BLock Markers

A Quick Summary

Main Points on This Quick List

[1] Vivid Recall of a Painful Event: The First Category of BLock Markers
[2] An Inability to Picture a Common Everyday Childhood Event: The Second Category of BLock Markers
[3] Hating an Ordinary Life Event: The Third Category of BLock Markers
[4] Under-reacting to a Loving Event: The Fourth Category of BLock Markers
[5] Under-reacting to a Violent Event: The Fifth Category of BLock Markers
[6] Having No Choice: The Sixth Category of BLock Markers

Words and Phrases to Pay Attention To

Quick List With Examples

[1] Vivid Recall of a Painful Event: The First Category of BLock Markers

• the moments in which you first experience a great personal loss, such as the moment in which you are told that someone close to you has died, or the moment in which you realize you are being fired from a job which you love;
• the moments in which you realize you are about to experience genuine violence, such as the moment right before a car accident when you see it coming, or the moment right before you get struck by a falling object when you hear it falling;
• the moments in which you realize you have failed to accomplish something important, such as the moment in which you realize someone else got the promotion, or the moment in which you recognize you have made a serious mistake; and
• the moments in which you take on a painful belief, such as the moments in which people first identify themselves as stupid or ugly, or the moments in which parents first realize they wound their children.

[2] An Inability to Picture a Common Everyday Childhood Event: The Second Category of BLock Markers

• having no memory of a family member before a certain age, "I can't remember ever seeing my father before age seven";
• being unable to recall details of having been in school before a certain grade, "I can't remember any of my teachers before fifth grade"; "I can't recall my first day of school.";
• having no sense that one's parents have ever been angry, "I never saw my parents angry at each other";
• having no memory of any major childhood life event, ("I can't remember ever having a birthday party before age ten"; "I can't recall anyone ever taking care of me when I was sick"; and
• being unable to recall one's accomplishments, "I've never really done anything important."

[3] Hating an Ordinary Life Event: The Third Category of BLock Markers

• In its simplest form, though, this BLock marker can consist of anything which causes us to have an acute awareness of any of our five physical senses (I hate: to be touched; the taste of liver; the sight of blood; the sound of chalk on a blackboard; the smell of mold) or an acute awareness of any of our emotional / intuitive responses (I hate: to cry; be angry; sense I am about to be afraid; etc..) Thus, we can hate feeling sad or feeling excited as much as we can hate being touched on the head or smelling leaves in the fall, and even these simple responses indicate scenes in which a wound exists.
• any negative prejudice towards people, or towards nonviolent beliefs or ideas, etc., (Obviously, human beings can hate almost anything. Common examples would be hating religions or religious people, politics or politicians, countries, nationalities, men or / and women, children, people who are old or young, teachers, poor or rich people, etc.)
• hating compliments.

[4] Under-reacting to a Loving Event: The Fourth Category of BLock Markers

• the inability to enjoy a major portion of a relationship, such as being unable to enjoy making love, or being unable to enjoy learning from a partner;
• the inability to experience gentle attention consciously, such as going blank when you hear the words "I love you," or zoning out when you see people being affectionate;
• the inability to be grateful to someone who does you a favor, such as when a friend watches your children for you and you see it as "just what friends are supposed to do for each other";
• the inability to experience the value in a gift, such as when you fail to feel good when someone is thanking you for a gift you gave them;
• the inability to see the worth in one's accomplishments, such as getting an "A" on a test and feeling it is "nothing really";
• the inability to recognize when someone is trying to help you, such as when friends ask if they can help you and your first thought is "why would they want to help me"; and
• the inability to experience the awe in life, such as failing to see the wonder in the birth of a child or in the experience of nature.

[5] Under-reacting to a Violent Event: The Fifth Category of BLock Markers

• the inability to experience the suffering present in ALL addictions; such as the alcoholic who denies he is suffering despite obvious consequences, or the gambler who continues to bet despite her losses;
• the inability to experience grief, such as when a young widow seems "fine" only weeks after her husband's death;
• the inability to experience fear while in the presence of danger; such as when people stand too close to the edge of a cliff and feel no fear, or when people casually put their hands into a dangerous zoo animal's cage; and
• the inability to be mad at someone who violates you, such as when you are more worried that the man who just robbed you may go to jail than that you will get your money back.

[6] Having No Choice: The Sixth Category of BLock Markers

• the inability to say "no," such as when people cannot deny peoples' requests for money, or when people can not say no when asked to have sex even when they have no desire (people who were sexually molested as children often have this one);
• the inability to set limits on the amount of help you offer people, such as when people feel forced to help others at their own expense (many therapists, when they begin working, have this one), or when people feel obliged to contribute to the needy even when they, themselves, are just as needy; and
• the inability to feel entitled to stop working, such as when people feel guilty when they have to quit before finishing an important job, or when people must be told to go home when they are sick.