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Men and Aloneness II: Connecting to Others
A Workshop for Men of Courage

Making Our Work Space Safe
No one can learn, grow, or heal without connecting. Further, no one can connect in an unsafe space, whether this space is physically unsafe, intellectually unsafe, emotionally unsafe, or spiritually unsafe. Luckily, we are men. This means we each have within us the ability to make our spaces safe.

Please keep this in mind today, and let's together share the responsibility of being each other's "keepers," "guides," "brothers," and "guardians."

How can we do this?

First, we can do this by tapping into the love and strength we each have within us, using this love and strength to remain as connected to each other as we possibly can while we each share. In this way, we each consciously witness without judgment each other's struggles.

Second, we can do this by focusing on, and limiting our work to our own, personal experiences and ideas, limiting our sharing to our thoughts and feelings about ourselves as men.

Third, we can do this by simply noticing, without judgment, the times when we ourselves "disconnect," or in Ed's and my words, when we each experience "aloneness." More so, when you do notice these "disconnection's," please be gentle with yourselves and then, as best you can, share about what just happened to you with the group.

Fourth, as we explore today, please try to notice how being connected to each other affects us so much more than the ideas and beliefs we talk about. What I am trying to say here is, as best you can, try to be connected to what you share and to the other men present. And again, when and if you do feel disconnected, do your best to share this with the group and then ask the men present for help reconnecting.

What I am trying to say is, ideas are beautiful, and we all have some beautiful ideas. More important, we each have the power to see the beauty in these ideas, whether we are with someone or alone. However, in order to see the beauty in people, we need to connect to them. This is not a short coming. This is just human nature, the way we each work.

Let's try today, then, to see the beauty in each other, as best we can, by focusing on connecting to each other, as people and as men.

Finally, as we explore today, please try to be easy on yourselves, especially if and when you find you have not managed to live up to your own ideals. None of us do. This does not negate the value and courage of our attempts. Here again, if you see a shortcoming in yourself or in someone else, please be gentle with yourselves and with each other.

Today's Focus: Developing Our Abilities to Identify "Aloneness"
Today, we all, Ed and myself included, will once again explore how we, as men, try to live up to the false ideal that we are better men if we can manage "to need no one"; further, that no matter how difficult our lives get, that we still, for the most part, feel obligated to live up to this false ideal.

Of course, what this amounts to is that we, as men, most times live as if "standing alone" is what makes us men. More important, we then fail to ever develop our own personal sense of what it means to be connected and so, often feel the criticism of others for our inability's to connect.

What does "connecting" feel like? And how do we know when what we call connecting is really us faking it, just us trying our best to be what others are asking us to be?

Exploring this difference will be our focus today: to leave with a better sense of when we're connected and when we're alone.

[Question # 1]
Picture a time you felt really connected to another person. Now write below what this experience was like AND what makes you think you were connected.

(Think quietly about this experience for a few moments, then please write what you saw below.)

 

 

(Share our answers with each other)

[Question #2]

Now having explored your personal understanding of what it means to feel connected, picture a time when you thought you were connected but now realize you weren't. Describe this experience below, including what made you think you were connected.

(Think quietly about this experience for a few moments, then please write what you saw below.)

 

 

(Share our answers with each other)

[Question #3]

Who is the person you have most wanted to connect to? How have you tried to connect? Picture doing this for a moment, then write down a few lines about what you saw, times when you really wanted to connect to this person but could not.

(Think quietly about this experience for a few moments, then please write what you saw below.)

 

 

(Share our answers with each other)

[Question #4]

Now having explored your personal understanding of what it means to feel connected to another, imagine using your new sense of connecting to help you to connect to someone you love.

(Please think quietly about this experience for a few moments, then please write what you saw below.)

 

 

(Share our answers with each other)

On Taking What You've Learned Out Into The World

I have been to many workshops. Always, the leader ends by suggesting something like that we make an effort to carry out into the world what we have learned. However, and I know this may shock many men, what I have found to be true is that no man can do this. Why? Because we access what we learn only when we are connected to another.

What does this mean? It means that when you find yourself struggling to put into words what happened today, don't blame yourself. Just know that in order to carry what you discovered today out into the world, you need do nothing more than picture what we did while at the same time, connecting to another. This, after all, is what we explored today.

Please be gentle with yourselves when you again forget this lesson. We all do. After all, our Creator designed learning to connect to be a life long journey.

And good luck to each of you as you continue your journeys.




Books by Steven Paglierani

Solving the
Mind-Body
Mystery

Finding Personal Truth Book I: Solving the Mind-Body Mystery

Buy Now Online

download free Book I - Solving the Mind Body Mystery excerpt

Hardcover ($29.95)
Also in eBook ($9.99) at:

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Amazon UK

Unraveling
Human
Nature

Finding Personal Truth Book II: Unraveling Human Nature

Order Now Online

download free Book II - Unraveling Human Nature excerpt

Hardcover ($29.95)
Also in eBook ($9.99) at:

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Amazon UK

The Science
of
Discovery

Finding Personal Truth Book III: The Science of Discovery: the Birth of a New Scientific Method

Coming
December 2015


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January 18 , 2003
Men and Aloneness II: Connecting to Others
© 2002, Steven Paglierani. All rights reserved

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