This Week's Questions
[posed by David A.]
Do you know?
[Question 1] One of my clients is currently in search of a condominium to purchase. I know as his mortgage broker, when I give him advice on what you can afford, I am in Layer 2. Which layer will he be in when he decides which place is right for him?
Note that when I use the word, "connected," it is just another way to say there was a simultaneously flow of information, both inward and outward. Said in more personal language, it also means both people are sharing a common visual experience; living, alive, dynamic, and beauty filled. It also means in all likelihood the decision will be better.
[Question 2] Can people use the layers to help them to make such a decision?
Let's imagine you and I are having an conversation wherein you are looking to move and have asked to bounce things off me. First, I'd be trying to create this kind of connection between us. So I might say some thing to you like, "Can you picture yourself living in a very busy neighborhood? What would it look like? Interesting? Exciting? Frantic? Too much?
Obviously, living in a busy neighborhood, such as living in some part of lower Manhattan, would affect every person differently. Thus, while living in a chaotic neighborhood might excite you, it also would add incredible amounts of information to everything you did; to your home life, to your career, to your relationships, and so on. This added information might then cause you to exceed your capacity to consciously process life at times. In other words, at times, simply living where there might cause you to go into shock.
Said in simpler terms, if you live in a place which over stimulates your senses, you will spend a lot of your time in Layer 1. In other words, exciting or not, you'll be zoned out a lot. Perhaps this is what makes young people love living in the midst of this kind of overload. They experience it as a heck of a thrilling ride and at the same time, as a heck of a good way to come back down.
My point is, chaos out, chaos in. In other words, if you overload your senses, you will find it hard to consciously sense what you're doing, even in your own home. This would then impair your ability to make clear decisions, even simple ones like what to eat for breakfast and what time you might want to go to bed.
Is the answer then to live in a serene neighborhood? Actually, this decision is never so cut and dried. You see, while living in a serene neighborhood can make it easier for you to consciously process your thoughts, living in too serene a neighborhood can under stimulate you. Thus, while there are obvious advantages to living in a peaceful area, living in too peaceful an area is simply another way to say where you live is "boring."
So now, back to your question as to, "can knowing about the layers help?" To see for yourself, consider this. Consider how you, yourself, might process this question as to where you might want to live. For instance, how busy, or calm, you would like your neighborhood to be?
You can begin this process by noticing where your mind is drawn to first.
So where is Layer 8? In truth, we rarely stay in this Layer even long enough to know it we are in it. Can we know we passed through it? Yes. But to know for more than an instant? Rare.
Can you now see how the Layers reveal exactly where you are in a decision? David, even from this little demonstration, I hope you can see, knowing the layers can really help, both you and your clients. Potentially anyway. You see, in order for these observations to be useful, you have to do something with them. But then, you knew that.
[Question 3] If a decision is an intuitive or "gut" decision, in which Layer have you made this decision?
[Question 4] I had a client come in to pick her tax return on Friday. When she learned she owed more than five thousand dollars, she began to blame me. At this point, I found myself wanting to kick her out of my office. Then I made excuses for her behavior in my mind.
When she blamed me, I believe she was in Layer 4 "uncivilized blame." When I wanted to kick her out of my office, I too was in Layer 4. And when I made excuses for her, I was in Layer 2; "civilized blame." My question is, how could I have reconnected to her? Or is kicking someone like her out of my office the right path to take?
No coincidence, you, too, felt like punishing her back, by throwing her out of your office. Then you oscillated between Layer 4 and Layer 2; between wanting to punish her and making excuses for her.
What I can offer you is this. The Buddhists teach, "that which you resist persists." In other words, to try to explain away peoples' anger only creates more anger in them. Said in our language, this means, using Layer 4 responses to resolve a Layer 4 problem only exacerbates the desire to punish each other. Sort of like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it.
On the other hand, responding with Layer 2 excuses is no solution either. It's sort of like being a fireman who is standing there discussing how a fire started while a house burns down. Not too helpful.
So let me ask you this. Have you ever been able to connect to this person in the past? If not, then perhaps bowing out would be best. However, If this is simply a glitch in what is normally a good relationship, then there is hope that you can resolve this difficulty. How? By remembering to make connecting more important than explaining yourself. Layers 9 / 10 rather than Layers 4 / 2.
[Question 5]Although I have clients I connect to in a Layer 9 way, I have many other clients who seem to go into shock the minute we start to discuss anything about money, taxes, or finance. Using my knowledge of the Layers of Aloneness, how can I better connect to these clients?
If you put these skills into practice, you should be able to freely observe people, and to use your knowledge of where they are in the Layers to keep bringing your conversation back to the inner Layers; Layers 7 through 10. And just in case you don't see what would might make getting them into Layer 7 important, consider that the basic reason people come to see you is to satisfy their Layer 7 needs.