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Blame / non Blame Described

A Quick Summary



emergence therapy psychological wounds

Main Points on This Quick List



[1] Blame is any statement which assigns the "cause" of suffering to a conscious being.
[2] Non Blame is any statement in which suffering is reported or described without cause.
[3] "I feel that" [followed by the name of any conscious being or institution] is often (but not always) "Blaming" reporting.
[4] "I feel" [followed by an emotion] or "I feel like" [followed by a description of a scene or event] is usually "non Blaming" reporting.
[5] All moral qualifiers which rate the qualities or actions of people or institutions as "good" or "bad" are Blaming. Naming a person's suffering without such qualifiers is not blaming.
[6] Anthropomorphic expressions which point the finger [ e.g. my cancer, my body] are still Blame.

Words and Phrases to Pay Attention To


(they've been redefined to reflect Emergence Personality Theory)
blame, non blame, moral qualifiers, 'I feel" versus "I fell like," anthropomorphic expressions

9 emergence character type babies


Quick List With Examples



[1] Blame is any statement which assigns the "cause" of suffering to a conscious being

  • any "why" or "be-cause" expression which states that you, or any other conscious being, caused, or prevented, someone else's actions, thoughts, feelings, growth, happiness, etc.
  • any statements which begin with or include, "you made me ..."; "because of you ..."; "you gave me no choice"; etc.
  • any statements which attribute the cause of someone's suffering to a group, such as "AA" or "poor people on welfare," or to an institution, such as "the Democrats," "Ford Motor Company," "the abortionists," etc.

[2] non Blame is: any statement in which suffering is reported or described without cause

  • any expressions which simply name information gathered with the five physical senses (I saw you yelling at me, I heard you laugh at the old man when he fell, I smelled mold, I tasted a lot of salt, I felt a clammy texture.)
  • any expressions which simply name emotional and or intuited information (I felt scared, angry, elated, excited, nervous, envious, calm, etc. AND OR I sensed someone angry standing there, I noticed something ominous but couldn't see it, I heard a sound for which I have no words, etc.)

[3] "I feel that" [followed by the name of any conscious being or institution] is often, but not always, "blaming" reporting.

  • Most times, the words "I feel that ..." are followed by the name of a conscious being or beings and an attribution of cause. These statements are always blaming. ( I feel that you hurt me on purpose, I feel that she was playing games with me, I feel that Tom knew what he was doing and did it anyway, I feel that politicians always steal, I feel that your mother never was there for you, etc.
  • Adding "trap doors" to the end of these statements does not remove blame. Examples would be, "I feel that you left me because you wanted to hurt me, but you were only copying what your father did." [here, the blame is simply shifted to another person]; and "I feel that my father never wanted to get to know me, but he had alcoholism, so he wouldn't help it. [here, the blame is simply shifted to the anthropomorphic institution, "alcoholism."]
  • Statements such as "I feel that you were angry at Tony" are not blaming. Even so, statements like these are so easily misinterpreted that they are best left for special needs such as helping a loved one who is presently in shock or in the presence of a trained professional i.e. in a therapist's office.

[4] "I feel [followed by an emotion]" or "I feel like" [ followed by a description of a scene or event ] is usually "non Blaming" reporting.

  • statements which begin with the words "I feel ..." and end with a simply statement which names an emotion or emotions are never blaming. Examples would be: "I feel your hated toward me whenever we try to work things out"; I feel my father's anger every time we speak"; "I feel sad whenever you leave for work"; and "I felt lost and confused for most of my childhood".
  • statements which begin with "I feel like ..." followed only by a description of a scene are never blaming. Examples would be: "I feel like I am three years old and terrified"; "I feel like the floor fell out from under me"; and "I feel like I need more then what you have given me."

[5] All Moral Qualifiers which rate the qualities or actions of people or institutions as "good" or "bad" are Blaming; naming a person's suffering without such qualifiers is not Blaming.

  • Saying that a person or institution which is associated with the suffering of others is bad is blaming [and therefore, prevents healing]. Examples would be: "If the government was any good ..."; "I have never met an honest used car salesman"; "Women drivers suck"; "She was just a bad wife to begin with"; etc.

[6] Blaming anthropomorphic expressions [i.e. the cancer..., my body...] is still Blame.

  • Saying "my disease made me do it"; "it was the devil that caused them to hurt people"; "my cancer turned me into a monster"; or any other effort to move blame off people and onto life situations to which you have attributed human characteristics is blame.
  • Other examples would be: "When I was a kid, the Catholic church was only interested in getting my family's money"; "If the high school staff was actually qualified, then my son would not be having such a difficult time learning to read"; "You should have ... [otherwise known as "should-ing on someone]; etc.



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