Why Sex Wounds Children - a Brief Recap

The Three Women

Before I recap, let me again introduce the three women.

Debbie was the woman in the first story. Debbie was ten at the time she was molested and is now in her twenties.

Carol, the woman in the second story, is now in her late forties. Carol was the youngest at the time she was molested. She was six when it first happened to her, and in her case, it continued until she was twelve.

Finally Tricia, the woman in the third story, was sixteen when she got molested. Tricia is now in her fifties.

Certainly, all three women were young when they were injured. Six. Ten. Sixteen. Children, all of them. And all three were forced to have intercourse, one by her father, one by her uncle, and one by a boyfriend, a man not much older than she was at the time and someone her parents had actually approved of and had pushed on her. Further, all three had essentially dealt with their injuries the same way, silently and alone for most of their lives, this despite each having briefly tried therapy.

There's a lot to think about here. Let me start with the most obvious surprise.

Only One Woman Got Sexual Injuries

Despite being the oldest, Tricia was the one with the worst injuries. Further, she was the only girl to have injuries in and around sex. How can this be?

Let me begin by restating the structure of injury on which Emergence as a Therapy is based.

Children, and all people actually, get injured only when they experience a simple sequence of three things: hyperawareness, being startled, and shock. Thus, unless a person experiences these three experiences in this exact order, the person, no matter how pained, does not get permanently injured.

What this means here is, in each case, the point at which the person went into shock determined the point of injury.

Thus, because Carol was startled into shock only after the sex happened, she did not get injured in and around sex despite the wrongful nature of what happened to her.

And since Debbie went into shock before the sexual part happened as her uncle walked toward her, she endured the whole sexual part of her ordeal already in shock. This prevented her from incurring any further injuries similar to how a blown electrical fuse would prevent a house from burning down.

Lastly, since Tricia repeatedly went in and out of shock during her rape, in effect, she repeatedly experienced the sequence of three and incurred more injuries than could even be counted.

How Can This Be True?

Sound unreal? I'm not surprised. After all, much of what I've just told you may seem counter intuitive.

More so, to people new to the idea of the "wounding sequence," this idea, that all injuries come from experiencing the same three part sequence, can be a lot to take in let alone believe.

Even so, this one idea is the basis for every story, every theory, and every idea on this site. Further, I have witnessed literally thousands of injuries and thousands of healings and not once has this sequence been missing.

What makes this so important then is if you were to use but this one idea; the idea of finding this sequence and then inserting something loving into the missing frames; to help you to heal injuries in and around having been molested, then you would in all likelihood heal more deeply than you have ever thought possible.

Equally important too is the idea that once people emerge from the visual block, their ability to see joy in the affected life area is markedly and permanently increased.

Thus, in Carol's case, I noticed a definite change in the way she responded to arguing, a change which included a sense of joy at new found ability to notice in the midst of an argument her reaction, where before, she had experienced only blind anger and resolve.

And in Debbie's case, Debbie went back to school and work with a new confidence and a genuine enthusiasm, where before, she had experienced only dread and failure in both school and at work.

Finally, sadly, in Tricia's case, because she had the worst injuries and because she was unable to tolerant further therapy, once she uncovered her injuries, in some ways, she struggled worse than ever. Even so, she left therapy feeling more self confident and self assured than she had ever felt before, especially in situations wherein she needed to assert herself.

As wonderful as all this is though, my main point is still that being sexually molested does not in and of itself cause sexually related injuries. I state this idea knowing full well my conclusion defies common logic.

Even so, I base this conclusion on many more stories, many of which have nothing at all to do with sex.

One last question. Could I have missed seeing the sexual injuries in either Carol or Debbie?

Of course, it's always possible. I doubt it though.

Both women not only claimed to not have problems with sex, they also both enthusiastically and consciously told me they liked having sex, something even many so called normal people can't say consciously.

And Tricia? When we began working together, she literally hated sex and had endured it when need be throughout her life.

Did this hatred change at all? From her reports, yes, it did. Tricia reported she was able to enjoy sex at times, albeit in a limited and careful fashion. None the less, she felt this joy for the first time in her whole life.

Finally, what suggestions would I make to those who, like me and many others, have been wounded in and around sex?

Don't assume you know what injured you.

And allow for the possibility that the wound is what you can't see rather than what your logic leads you to assume.

Most important, don't ever give up. Ever. You deserve to enjoy sex. And life. Period. And given a loving effort, you can heal. No matter what.