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The Wounds of the Father are the Blindness of the Sons
Men and Aloneness IV: What Our Mothers Thought of Men

An All Day Workshop for Men of Courage
Sunday, July 27th, 2003
in Nyack, NY

"A real man needs no one. He can take care of himself."

Growing up, I remember one of the worst things a boy could be accused of was being a "mama's boy." Is it any surprise then, that we, as men, frequently hear women complain we are not open to them; that we are distant and closed to women?

Are we men distant and closed to women? Frequently, yes, we are. Yet if the women in our lives were to witness even one of our men's workshops, I'm sure they would be shocked by how openly loving and nurturing men can be, especially when they feel safe. So what makes men feel safe with women? And how do men come to be so closed to women in the first place?

Let me start by asking you two simple questions: Did your father feel safe with your mother? Was your mother open to your father ? If you answered no to either of these questions, then in all likelihood, you will struggle to be open with women yourself.

Can we men learn to be open with women? Yes. But only by learning to recognize how alone we feel when we are not open to them. Where do we begin? Start with these two simple truths. One; men are "people" first, men second. Two; all people, men and women alike, will feel highly motivated to be open to others given they feel safe.

Can men learn to see, and admit, this truth: that we prefer being open to others to being safe and alone? Can we men, in fact, learn to stop worrying whether others see us as "mama's boys" if we do open up? The answer is yes, but only if we can find the courage to help each other past what for us, is yet one more hate filled lie about men; that we men prefer being alone to being open and connected.

In the company of good men, then, on Sunday, July 27th, we will gather together to share openly and with love our wisdom and courage about this often misunderstood side of ourselves: "What Our Mothers Thought of Men."

A Few Notes About This Journey's Challenges: Part of what we will be asking you to do will involve the gathering process itself. Thus, we will begin promptly at 9:30 AM and go straight through until 4:30 PM. During this seven hours, although we will be taking short breaks, we will be asking that you remain within our gathering place. This means we will be asking you to not break to eat nor for cigarettes nor for phone calls (except, of course, in cases wherein you have a health issue which could be seriously compromised by these requests). In fact, we will be asking that you "check" your beepers and cell phones at the door or better yet, leave them home. This is a sacred space, and we want the entire focus to be on your work and on you. Thus, for this seven hours, put yourself first. Your loved ones can wait.

Also, this work is stressful, and we want you to be as comfortable as possible. Dress casual, bring a sitting cushion or small folding chair, and please remember to bring something to drink (e.g. large bottle of water, juice, etc.).

To register: call Ed D'Urso (845 893-3160) or Steven Paglierani (845 627-7404). Seating is limited to about twenty five men so please call early. The fee is $75 in advance, $85 at the door; however, for any man under financial stress, this fee is negotiable.

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