Using Issues as a Way to Avoid Pain

Naming Your "Issues" as a Way to Avoid Pain

The more I understand how healing happens, the more I realize how often people avoid the pain of their aloneness, and specifically the painful aloneness they feel during the healing process, by generalizing about their injuries. By this, I mean, most of us, when we talk about our injuries, refer to them in the most general, nonspecific ways possible.

We call them, "issues."

No surprise, then, that in the diagram above, I have placed one of the more commonly referred to "issues" in the outer most layer. This issue is "codependency," a very commonly used word.

Does it help to use this word; to say you are a "codependent?" Initially, I would guess. Recognizing you are injured and acknowledging this injury to others is very important. But what about the healing itself. Does this recognition heal anything?

No. Not at all. Not even if you feel better after doing it.

So why do people do it? Simply because they do feel better, because by referring to their injuries by these "issue" type names, they depersonalize their injury. They are now just one of the group!

Unfortunately, none of this heals anything. Healing requires you face the pain by visualizing the wounding scene or at least a representative scene.

My point. Making an impersonal reference to an injury, what we call an, "issue," distances people from their pain. And while this is not always a bad thing to be sure, healing occurs only when you do face this pain.

Now read through the five layers, from the outer layer in. And if you picture the words as you read them, you will notice that the experiences come more and more alive.

This sequence very much represent a typical healing process during visual dialogue.