These e-mails are from T---
Here's her story.
I first want to express my gratitude that you have so generously published your insights, wisdom, knowledge and experience on the internet. You are a true guide.
Next, I want to share a story about my 14 year old son, who is the light of my life. Liam recently told me of his "paranoia," when he admitted that he was afraid that our telephone was tapped (you know when the connection has an echoing? - he decided that electronic surveillance might be the culprit). At that point, I initiated a conversation with him about his paranoia and fears and then spoke to him about my belief that perhaps I had passed on my own fears to him, fears that had become a habit long after the reason to be afraid was removed. This seemed plausible to both of us.
But, yesterday, I playfully (or so I thought) joked that my car was not where I had parked it, as we came out of a video store, knowing full well that a van blocked it from our view. Liam didn't seem to react strongly at first, but did appear to be concerned, and after I told him I was only kidding, he slowly began to express more stress and anger (through tears) that I had done that to him. I tried to explain that it was only as joke (we can have a cruel sense of humor at times), but he insisted that I should have known not to joke like this because of his paranoia. This seemed to indicate that the paranoia was worse than I had originally thought.
Given that I know a woman with two sons in late-adolescence, both of whom suffer terribly from paranoid-schizophrenia, I became very concerned. I could not bear to see my beautiful, intelligent, caring son suffer from such a fate. So, off to the internet I went. Magically, one of the very first sites that I came across was yours. Not sure how I got from googling "paranoia" to the Emergence Site, but I do believe in synchronicity, fate and the power of love. So far, I have printed more than 100 pages, and I'm not finished yet. I wish I could say that I've read them all thoroughly, but so far have truly read and assimilated relatively few, and skimmed many more in search of answers to the questions that arose in me.
I must say that your insights resonated immediately. This feels right. As some who has been done years of therapy (none since the finalization my divorce 7 years ago), I can vouch for the fact that knowing what the wound is doesn't help. Reliving it doesn't help; dissecting, analyzing, talking it to death doesn't help. So, you just learn to live with it and when you trip over something you say, well, that's just my wound, let me go around it or ignore it. Oh, and I'm not one to rely on medication either. I decided a long time ago that somehow I could change the things that other people simply medicate. You seem to have explained why in pointing to our consciousness. Well, if the wound is in my consciousness, then it is me, my very be-ing. It makes no sense not to be able to change it, no more than not being able to change my mind. I do it all the time (a woman's prerogative I hear - <smile>).
So, back to Liam. The event that gave me so much fear, that caused me to live in fear for years afterward, to keep a baseball bat by the front door and develop the "habit" of fear, was an assault on me by my then husband, Liam's father. At the time, Liam was not quite 6 years old; his father and I began arguing (nothing new and the decision to divorce had already been made), but it escalated to physical violence for the first time. Liam came out of his room to see what was going on, then to help me, and even tried to push his father away as he saw him attempting to strangle me. Perhaps this meets the criteria of a wounding event. I have always thought that his poor little nervous system must have been overloaded and completely fried. I know mine was, given my loss of certain bodily controls.
Over the next several years, as a stressed out single mom, I would frequently have horrendous morning fights with Liam while trying to "persuade" him to get ready for school. My stress would escalate as I watched the time go by with no cooperation from him, and my fears of losing my job for being late yet again only increased my fury. Yet, I was able to see that no matter what I said, or how much I threatened, yelled, or acted the madwoman, he was completely incapable of doing what I asked. It was as though he was paralyzed and could do nothing more than cry and beg me to leave him alone. With time being the problem, it was extremely difficult for me to leave him alone when what I needed was for him to dress IMMEDIATELY. But, at some point, I would become so upset myself that I would have to go to my room and cry. It took about 10-15 minutes sometimes, but he was always able to re-engage when he was given time to "unblock" himself.
OK, so after telling you this overly long story, what do I want? I guess I want to know if Emergence Therapy is something that Liam and I can do for him to help relieve some of his paranoia. I have to admit that I want you (or someone) to tell me it's going to all right, that he will have the opportunity to continue developing into a bright, happy (mostly), independent young man, full of hope and wisdom (he already has much), but what mother of a child in pain doesn't wish for that? After thinking about it for a minute, I would also love encouragement - you know, the guide thing that you do. I understand because that is also my style. While it may sometimes be very difficult for me to detach from my son, my intention is to lead him to discovery and recovery that is his own. Being a guide instead of a warrior requires good boundaries and mine are admittedly weak in regard to my only child. Yet, many people have called me a catalyst for personal growth and insight for them, and I hope to be able to do the same for Liam.
Anyway, before I'm accused of giving "too much information," I will close. If nothing else, this email represents my desire is to give thanks and show appreciation for your loving contribution to other "walking wounded."
Three Forks, Montana
Thanks so much for writing. And for your encouraging remarks. It's words like yours which keep me writing even after more than a decade of being literally unknown. Which is weird, I must say, as I now get people from 50 - 60 countries a week visiting the site, this without me ever having had a book published or a single TV appearance. Which is fine with me really as I am somewhat shy and much more just want to help people.
As for you and your son, sometimes, right before things change, they seem the worst. I, myself, felt this way for most of my life. In fact, some ten years back, my life was so painful that I literally sat meditation some four days a week, on a small mountain top near my home just to survive. And for the most part, that was all I was doing in those years; I was just barely surviving.
Then one day, out of no where, I had a life changing realization; what I now call, an emergence. I realized that peoples' injuries always leave them either completely unable to picture the thing that happened to them or unable to picture it in any way other than the way it happened in the painful moment.
So did this realization change my painful life?
Yes. But it was in no way "the answer" to my painful life. It was only the thing which guided me to where I neede to look for the answers to my painful life. And this realization still guides me daily, both in my helping others and in doing my own life work.
As far as your life though, what this means is, there is a moment in your son's life wherein he felt paranoia and felt it so badly and so abruptly that he literally became unable to picture paranoia in any other way than how he does now. Which may be not at all. Or it may be only pain.
You, too, with regard to being hit or abused, albeit in your case, you literally have the classic symptom of a BLock: you vividly recall a painful event.
So what do you do? As simple as it sounds, all that either of you need do is to visually explore the event and have some one help you to see where you go blank. Seeing this blankness is the first level of emergence. Seeing the instant in which you go from vivid recall to blank. This is the BLock.
Then, you need to somehow add some additional, visual material to the tail end of what you can already see, even something which you simply make up. For instance, I once had a man who was terrified of women. His wife, no coincidence, frightened him all the time. We looked for scenes in which he was frightened by a woman, and sure enough, in third grade, he urinated in his seat and had a teacher humiliate him.
I took him through the whole scene, noticing where he lost the ability to picture. Then I simply made up a visual experience and had him imagine it. I had him imagine he walked up to the teacher's desk, asked her to turn and face him, and that he urinated on her shoes!
Of course, I would never really want someone to do such a thing. Well, almost never. In this man's case though, he simply burst out laughing. More important though, this made-up experience changed his whole character, permanently. In fact, he is now one of the strongest human beings I know, even today, years after that emergence. It's like once the "screen of the mind, visual door" opens, things just keep coming. And it literally keeps getting better from that moment on.
My point is, no matter what kind of visual material you add, adding it to what you can already see always heals the injury. It is literally this simple. On paper, that is. Of course, doing it is somewhat more involved. However, I've had people write me who have had life long injuries heal just from reading and trying some simple stuff. For instance, one woman healed a twenty-five year hatred of her sister just by reading and trying one kind of emergence; cycles of three. Another woman used this same device to heal a life long terror of being left.
So what do you do now?
Stop trying to understand emergence and simply try some of the practical stuff. For instance, for yourself, you might try the cycles of three. You'll find a bunch of stuff about them in the Cycles of Three section at the following link:
What do you do?
You envision the story just as you did when you told it to me, using the sequence of three things to guide you. Then you notice where you stop being able to picture. Then you keep doing this sequence over and over until something emerges in you.
And stop reading. You probably know more about injury than most people around you. And did it do any good? Other than the obvious, that you have temporarily thought there was hope, probably not. However, you, and your son, can heal, if only you focus your efforts on the one thing which can put you in a position to heal; on the BLocked visual material.
Now, if you want, try what I've suggested on yourself and then let me know how it went. Then perhaps, you'll have the necessary inner experience which will hep you to connect to the more technical articles on the site.
And if you, like me, simply want to do it the way that feels best to you, then please do and read whatever you feel will help.
And ask questions if you need to. And don't give up. Love heals. You know this.
Finally, although I would never post what you've written without first asking you, I want you to know that I often publish what I write to people as I feel it may help someone. Thus, I may publish my replies to you.
You are a brave woman and a good mother, Trish. And you will succeed.